No Sports in Heaven....Heaven Forbid!
After reading the Saints and Sinners column in the religious section of THE T&D Friday, October 8, I decided to give my views about the subject of sports in heaven. George Plagenz stated, and I quote: “We don’t know what a day in heaven will be like, but we can be sure of one thing, there won’t be any sports played up there.” First of all, his statement is oxymoronic. If we don’t know something, then we don’t know it, period. How can you not know something and then in the same sentence, say, we do know this? If you don’t know what a day in heaven will be like, then you don’t know, right? Let me give you my opinion on the subject.
For those who believe in heaven and are willing to use just a small amount of logic, I would suggest the following thoughts. Americans are sports nuts, to say the least. If professional or college football would suddenly begin playing their games on Sunday morning, the church pews would be virtually empty. Churches could not compete with sporting events on any level, with the exception of badminton, ping-pong and bowling, although I’m not too sure about badminton. I think churches would win against bowling, judging from the fact that we once had a bowling alley that is now a church. But it’s still close. The churches would still have a faithful few who would not attend sporting events of any kind. But who would pastor them? Churches would be forced to change their times of service so as to not compete against sporting events. No sports in heaven, indeed! Can you imagine what our existence would be like without sporting events? Neither can I.
Do you remember when churches didn’t have their own sports complexes? Some pick their churches now by the size of the sports complex. I know they call them Family Life Centers, but they are all about sports. Try and imagine what heaven would be like without sports. Pretty scary, huh? Most people can’t wait until the church service is over so they can suit up for their favorite pastime, be it football, baseball, basketball or tennis. You name it, we love it. I left out golf, as I’m not too sure if that’s a real sport. If you were to find out that there are no sports in heaven, you would want to know just where the games are going to be held, or hell, I should say.
However, trying to imagine sports in heaven is not without its problems as well. Will your wings get in the way, or will they help? They would be a great help in some events -- say the pole vault. But in the luge, they would be in the way. Well, you can do without the luge. Or maybe your wings would be detachable. Or maybe you wouldn’t have wings. Only the angels have wings, I’ve heard some say. Human souls won’t have need of wings, I’ve heard as well. Then there’s the question of what form you will be in heaven, and if you will have supernatural qualities. If so, all of the sporting events would end in ties, as no team would have an advantage over another team, as everyone would be equal. I can imagine going deep to catch a pass from Bart Starr, or matching hoops with Larry Bird, racing along in a pace line with Lance Armstrong, or sitting in the Heavenly Sports Bar sharing a drink with Babe Ruth . I’m taking for granted there would be food and drink in heaven, as a pastor friend once observed that he could not imagine heaven without them. You will also be able to find out just how God picked the winner between two church softball teams when both of them prayed for victory. Anyway, can you imagine the fun you would have answering those age-old questions: Who would win in a fight between Mike Tyson and Rocky Marciano? Who would hit the most home runs? Who was the best of the best of all times? Now you could find the dream matches of eternity. Oh, wait. You may all have the same powers in heaven. Drat! If that’s true, you will never know who was the best of the best. At any rate, if you are all equal, then you would all play the games just for fun as you once did on earth. Somehow, it seems like it would be more fun then, without the fighting over salaries and all that.
In any event, for those who believe there is a heaven, simple logic would dictate that there will be sports. As Joe Namath once said, “I guarantee it.”
Jim Earl
For those who believe in heaven and are willing to use just a small amount of logic, I would suggest the following thoughts. Americans are sports nuts, to say the least. If professional or college football would suddenly begin playing their games on Sunday morning, the church pews would be virtually empty. Churches could not compete with sporting events on any level, with the exception of badminton, ping-pong and bowling, although I’m not too sure about badminton. I think churches would win against bowling, judging from the fact that we once had a bowling alley that is now a church. But it’s still close. The churches would still have a faithful few who would not attend sporting events of any kind. But who would pastor them? Churches would be forced to change their times of service so as to not compete against sporting events. No sports in heaven, indeed! Can you imagine what our existence would be like without sporting events? Neither can I.
Do you remember when churches didn’t have their own sports complexes? Some pick their churches now by the size of the sports complex. I know they call them Family Life Centers, but they are all about sports. Try and imagine what heaven would be like without sports. Pretty scary, huh? Most people can’t wait until the church service is over so they can suit up for their favorite pastime, be it football, baseball, basketball or tennis. You name it, we love it. I left out golf, as I’m not too sure if that’s a real sport. If you were to find out that there are no sports in heaven, you would want to know just where the games are going to be held, or hell, I should say.
However, trying to imagine sports in heaven is not without its problems as well. Will your wings get in the way, or will they help? They would be a great help in some events -- say the pole vault. But in the luge, they would be in the way. Well, you can do without the luge. Or maybe your wings would be detachable. Or maybe you wouldn’t have wings. Only the angels have wings, I’ve heard some say. Human souls won’t have need of wings, I’ve heard as well. Then there’s the question of what form you will be in heaven, and if you will have supernatural qualities. If so, all of the sporting events would end in ties, as no team would have an advantage over another team, as everyone would be equal. I can imagine going deep to catch a pass from Bart Starr, or matching hoops with Larry Bird, racing along in a pace line with Lance Armstrong, or sitting in the Heavenly Sports Bar sharing a drink with Babe Ruth . I’m taking for granted there would be food and drink in heaven, as a pastor friend once observed that he could not imagine heaven without them. You will also be able to find out just how God picked the winner between two church softball teams when both of them prayed for victory. Anyway, can you imagine the fun you would have answering those age-old questions: Who would win in a fight between Mike Tyson and Rocky Marciano? Who would hit the most home runs? Who was the best of the best of all times? Now you could find the dream matches of eternity. Oh, wait. You may all have the same powers in heaven. Drat! If that’s true, you will never know who was the best of the best. At any rate, if you are all equal, then you would all play the games just for fun as you once did on earth. Somehow, it seems like it would be more fun then, without the fighting over salaries and all that.
In any event, for those who believe there is a heaven, simple logic would dictate that there will be sports. As Joe Namath once said, “I guarantee it.”
Jim Earl
posted by jimearl at 10:47 AM
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